I almost started a new blog today.
It was the epic morning meeting that did it. I momentarily felt that it could be the perfect accompaniment to my new pseudonym and new lease on writing for children and young adults.
I used to think I was a fantasy writer. Then I believed I didn’t have a go-to genre at all. Then I supposed I was a Christian romance writer. However, now I’ve discovered that I am simply a Christian writer – certainly not a writer who just so happens to be Christian, but someone who can’t help but include her faith in her writing.
Despite this discovery, I didn’t start a new blog today. The thought wafted through my mind so swiftly that I barely took it seriously. After all, we’ve been through a lot this blog and I. These luminous pages have been marked with life’s challenges and unexpected outcomes…
Speaking of which…
After my epic morning meeting, I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic on the long drive home. I had decided to start the audio book again this morning (for the hundredth time), because every time I do, I get something new out of it.
Today, it was this:
‘Real-life drama derailed me from my pursuit of invented drama…
Such upheaval does not make for the ideal environment in which to devote oneself to writing a sprawling and heavily researched novel…
And because I must always be writing about something or else I will go mad, I decided to … chronicle what was going on in my real life, as a way of sorting through its complications and revelations. (As Joan Didion said, “I don’t know what I think until I write about it.”)’
For me, with the prospect of moving to the other side of the state and living in a somewhat rural community to follow my beloved’s chosen vocation, which would essentially mean me leaving my job, working full time on the publishing business, and spending my spare hours writing because the closest person I would know would live in Strathalbyn (about half an hour away) – I could certainly identify with Gilbert’s situation and her inability to write in the shadow of such upheaval.
I should briefly mention here that my writing of late has felt stale and flighty, like I can’t commit to one project, and that every one of them is a failed attempt at a once inspired idea, yet is found always wanting.
Now, I see why.
Furthermore, I’m on the brink of completing my Graduate Diploma in Arts, majoring in Creative Writing, and didn’t know where to go from here. My Christian university, of which I am determined to remain at, isn’t offering a Masters in Creative Writing. And although there is a Masters program in the works – of a more general nature – I feel led elsewhere.
And in this moment, after my epic morning meeting, my mind is now frantic for reason. And yet, if I say it – or write it – out loud, it’ll be tangible and that actually scares me.
Even so, I have to empty my brain. The pressure is bordering on the insane. (No rhyme intended.)
So, here it goes.
Another reason that I wanted a fresh page, and a fresh blog, and why I was in desperate need for some therapeutic writing time, is because I have committed to undergoing a Masters in Divinity.
It has been a gradual yet sudden decision, and certainly not based on a single whim but rather a collection of signs.
Yes, I’m at the end of my graduate diploma with no creative writing path to take. And yes, I may have been discouraged when a Facebook memory came up the other day with my obvious enthusiasm for a writing project – an enthusiasm I haven’t felt since.
But it’s more than that.
This semester I’ve been listening keenly to my husband’s theological lectures as we drive into uni or work – and I’ve found them fascinating. From discovering my personality type to approaching the lecturer with my thoughts, I was encouraged to take up some theology subjects. This, of course, I dismissed with a chuckle, taking it about as seriously as my new blog idea. However, then the idea started to resonate with me and I attended my husband’s commissioning service. I heard countless stories of lives changed through the program, and how they now understood their calling. This not only confirmed to me that this was the university I wanted to attend. But also, that I wanted to delve more into theology, to see what such subjects might hold for me.
The following morning, I visited the Hub cafe, where the beautiful and cheery barista told me how much we’d be missed next year if I wasn’t to continue studying. In a small voice, I confessed I didn’t know what I was going to do next year, but that it could involve ministry or theology, I just didn’t know yet.
Balancing my laptop, folder, handbag, and two coffees, I went to meet my fellow editors to discuss our anthology project. Here, I discovered that a children’s writing subject was going to be available in semester 1 of next year, and that my fellow editor and dear friend was helping to run it.
I took it as a sign. Especially, since I had previously enrolled in that subject, only to be forced to let it go due to workload. Now, it seemed perfect timing, and I instantly made inquiries.
Hence, my epic morning meeting…
In this meeting it was confirmed that I could indeed use my electives to enjoy more creative writing subjects and that my research project would inevitably be a combination of both loves – creative writing and the divine.